Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
