Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
