well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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