8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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