Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
