omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
