you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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