It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
