dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
