you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
