there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
