You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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