Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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