Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
