I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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