Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
