do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
