Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
