my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
