so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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