it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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