Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
