the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
