Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
