will power is for people who don't want to get laid
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have post one night stand depression
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
