Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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