Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
