Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We need a shit load of segways right now
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
