I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
