So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
