I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
