i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
