i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
