i barfeds in our rink
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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