Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
