i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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