It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yo dont text me then not text me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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