I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
