Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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