I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
