saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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