I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
