I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
