I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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