Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
