You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
