I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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