I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
