I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
