So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize