Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize