i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
