so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize