"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
