I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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