I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
