I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
