How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
