Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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