i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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