yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
