She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
